Hi everyone, here's my summary of our 10/12 meeting. You can download the handouts from the meeting by clicking here.
Our meeting started off with a brief review of Dr. Mason's presentation on ADHD & Executive Brain Function. We noted that in addition to the "hardware" issues with our brains caused by ADHD that negatively impact things like planning, time management, etc., there is a second "learned behavior" challenge as well, especially regarding the "activation" (starting an activity) executive function:
Since many people with ADHD often fail to complete a given task, or they fail to complete it with a level of quality and timeliness that justifies the effort they put into it, there is a tendency to think "Why bother starting this in the first place if I'm either not going to finish it or I'm not going to do it acceptably well?"
This led us into a discussion of what it means to do something "acceptably well," especially when many of us strive to be perfectionists much of the time.
Definitions varied a bit, but the point we agreed on was the old addage, "Don't let 'perfect' get in the way of 'good enough.'" Better to start and complete a task with a merely adequate result than to (a) not start it in the first place or (b) not finish it because one got hung up on a perfectionist detail. Similarly, we discussed the importance of allowing ourselves some satisfaction for the "good enough" result even if we may have hoped for more.
We also talked about the balance that must be maintained between being ambitious ("Let one's reach exceed one's grasp") and pragmatic (a B average in night college courses is actually pretty respectable for a person who's juggling school, a family and a full-time job all at once).
We discussed the importance of recognizing changes in our circumstances -- a job we may have done very well when younger, healthier and with fewer competing responsibilities (kids, mortgage, ailing parents, etc.) may be overwhelming when we face it with those additional factors at play.
This brought up some ideas for how to managed that "carrying capacity" challenge:
- When possible, approach these challenges with full awareness of your circumstances. It might be wiser to postpone pursuing a goal, or pursuing it in a less aggressive manner, until you have fewer competing demands affecting you, e.g. after your kids are older and more independent.
- Recognize the total cost of reaching for the very ambitious goal: is getting straight A's in that night class worth it if it means being constantly stressed and seeing your relationship with your family become strained? Might straight B's but a healthier personal/family life be a more satisfying situation?
- Ask for help.
We also talked about maintaining self-esteem when facing difficult - and sometimes overwhelming - challenges. Two quotes pretty well summarized this discussion:
Finally, we talked about the idea of taking "smart risks." We defined a smart risk as:
- A risk where the reward is worthwhile
- Arisk where the cost of failure is acceptable
- A risk where you've researched it as well as possible to make sure you're comfortable about the potential rewards and costs and also the nature and amount of effort it will require.
Next month: Exercise & ADHD
(Spoiler alert: exercise helps to manage ADHD symptoms. Also, at the end of the movie "The Sixth Sense" you find out that Bruce Willis was really a ghost. But the odds are you figured both of these things out already...)
See you on Tuesday, November 9!
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